February 1, 2009

  • Some of my thoughts about heaven and love

    Not sure why I protected this the first time....

    This was written initially as a response to a discussion regarding what happens after death...because it says alot of what I feel on the subject and I am interested in perserving my thoughts and writing in these areas I am adding it here as well.

    I don't believe there is a waiting period or process that anyone has to go through when they get there. I believe that immediately they are surrounded and filled with God's love. These are people/souls with a lot of pain inside, with a lot of broken pieces but as much as they stood off sometimes, or didn't confide how much pain they were in they were not shunning God's love just not sure they deserved either his love or ours. I don't believe they have "issues" to work through what they may have is healing time, and that time doesn't flow necessarily along the same lines as our own time. I believe if we want to hear from them and we open ourselves up to it, at some point when we are quiet we will feel and see them.  The physical world can have lots of "noise" in it that keeps us from seeing their presence clearly but I believe they are there, I believe Stephen was with me all the time but I also believe that I had to struggle past the "noise" of my own grief and the "noise" of the world outside before I could hear from him. I also believe that Stephen and God were protecting me from losing myself in my grief. Stephen's presence for me was light and loving, waking up one morning and in that mist of sleep seeing him watching over me, sitting at the computer and while I was writing feeling the his hand on my shoulder or back and the love passing through from him into me. It wasn't like a real hand but what you would feel if someone stood behind you and you felt their presence. It was there, it was Stephen and it was what sustained me through the worst days of my grief. It's 7 1/2  years later and Stephen's love still sustains me, He is a blessing that continues to help me be the best me I can be. Maybe some days I don't do as well at it as others but that's me, Stephen's love is still with me and will always be with me. In my world love is best described by I Cor 13:4-6-- Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.... This is the kind of love Stephen and I share now. Our love when he was in the world was full of worldly issues, we were insecure, someitmes we hurt each other not because we wanted to but because we were hurting or scared ourselves. We weren't perfect, far from it but we loved each other and that love I believe was a blessing from above and thus is a love that never dies. Maybe I don't make any sense but that is what I think about it.